when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He felt like a one man threesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
