I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
