so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
