I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
