u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
