Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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