Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
