It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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