Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
