you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
