I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
