You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
