I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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