hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
