In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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