Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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