There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
