I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
false alarm, still single
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
