he puts the penis in happiness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
