bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
