Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
