I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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