You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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