She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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