apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
