I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
