Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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