shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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