8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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