Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
