Sponge bath it is.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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