Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
