id be glad to
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
