So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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