Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
