Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
