I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
