You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
