that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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