things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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