broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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