Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
