he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
