im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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