you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
