"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
