lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
