I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
