my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
