he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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