Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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